Written by Kate Solomon
It’s late June, the weather is dreadful and there is a steady stream of photos of people covered in mud hitting the internet. It can mean only one thing: Glastonbury weekend is upon us. If you’ve made the wise decision to stay home and watch it from the decidedly drier vantage point of your sofa, then boy are you still in for a treat.
Friday 24 July
7pm – The One Show
10-10.30pm – Highlights Part 1
11.15-2am – Highlights Part 2
7-8pm – James
8-9pm – ZZ Top and The Lumineers
9-10pm – Foals
10.30-12am – Underworld
Saturday 25 July
4-5.15pm – Highlights Part 1
8-9pm – Highlights Part 2
9-12am – Highlights Part 3
7-8pm – Squeeze and Madness
8-9pm – Baaba Maal and Mbongwana Star
10.30-12.30am – New Order and Philip Glass’ Heroes Symphony
Sunday 26 July
6.30-8pm Highlights Part 1
9-12am – Highlights Part 2
8-9pm – Gregory Porter and Ellie Goulding
9-10pm – PJ Harvey
10-11.30pm – Earth, Wind & Fire
Pyramid Stage, Saturday, 22.15
“Hello. It’s me. I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to see me headline the Pyramid Stage?” is one way Adele could open her set when she takes to the festival’s biggest stage on Saturday night. It probably won’t be much like her last Glastonbury performance, when she and her interesting haircut played to a handful of disinterested revellers on The Guardian’s Lounge. But that was back in The Year Of Unbearable Mud Rivers also known as 2007 – there’ll be a few more people watching this year and, possibly, less mud. She’s notorious for her potty-mouth so expect a fair amount of between-song banter and quite a few bleeps.
You might also enjoy: ELO, James Blake, Sigur Ros
Other Stage, Saturday 19.15
Exuberantly-coiffed Glastonbury veterans The 1975 will be one of the big pop highlights of this year’s festival. Teenage girls have once again proven themselves to be excellent barometers of taste after the band’s third album propelled them from teenybop concern to legit international contenders. Expect to find yourself bobbing involuntarily to lots of buzzy synth from 2016’s stupidly-named i like it when you sleep for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it and saying to one another ‘Yes, but why doesn’t he get it cut? Or at least tie it back?’ Get some practice in with 2014’s rendition of Chocolate.
You might also enjoy: Disclosure, Years and Years, Beck
Pyramid Stage, Sunday, 21.30
Coldplay have been so famous for so long that their fourth Glastonbury headline slot is going to be one long singalong extravaganza. Even if you can’t stand Chris Martin and co, just try watching 2011’s set without getting a bit goosepimply at the sound of thousands of people shouting Clocks back at them. Plus: lasers!
You might also enjoy: The Orchestra of Syrian Musicians with Damon Albarn, Wolf Alice
Check the BBC Glastonbury website for harder to find performances such as
Christine and the Queens
Other Stage, Friday, 13.40
French outfit Christine and the Queens are huge across the Channel but relatively unknown in the UK. Get in early so you can be all “Actually, I preferred their earlier stuff” when they break big. This is her first Glastonbury show and if it’s anything like her headline shows you can expect immaculate choreography, sharp dressing and, yes, a bit of singing in French. For a taster, check out Christine and the Queens’ recent performance on Later… With Jools Holland. Huge fun.
You might also enjoy: Grimes, Savages, Ezra Furman
Understandably, watching at home might not be cutting it for you after all that. Good news, then, as Freeview are currently giving away two £1000 SeeTickets vouchers for you to spend on going to a festival. Try your luck on Twitter and Facebook – and who knows, you too could be covered in mud before the year is out.
Click here to go the BBC Glastonbury hub.